I HAVE PROBLEMS

This tween girl's blog shows that you can't judge a girl's happiness by her cover. Leda Siskind, allykatzz.com's Advice Pro, gives girls and US great advice. Leda is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child Therapist AND the mom of a teenage girl.

Dear Leda, I have problems. My life is not very good. I have friends and I'm an overly hyper person, well most of the time. At school and when I'm talking to my friends, anywhere...anytime, I'm relaxed and carefree. It's a whole different story when I'm alone. I can just be sitting there reading a book or story, and out of nowhere I think everyone has a better life than me. I think about how a lot of people are skinnier than me, how I'll probably never get a boyfriend(I may deny that I want one, but I truly do), and what I really want to be when I grow up is nearly impossible for me to be. I've tried suicide. I just can't do it though. I've yet to try and cut myself. I can't take this anymore and I just want to cry. I need to find a solution, and fast. Please don't just tell me that "Suicide is not the answer." or "You need to think of all your good qualities." I hear that suicide is not the answer from my friends all the time. I've tried thinking of my good qualities and I can't seem to find any. I have self-esteem problems, and I know this. I think I need to stop naming of my bad qualities so I won't go and try suicide again. Please help me with this problem. I need to know what to do. Thanks for listening.

Leda's Advice:

Dear My Life, I think, sweetie, that you feel very uncomfortable about who you are and what life has in store for you. You would be surprised how many girls feel just as you do now…But life is just not that black and white – all or nothing! You state you have friends – so you already know how to keep a friend (including, some day, a BF), you state that you know how to be “carefree” and you even mention reading – so you have some positive skills you are overlooking because everything is seen as “never” and “always” – in the negative. And you also know that hurting yourself is not going to help you. I think, deep down, you would like to feel better about yourself, yes? So here are two choices for you:
1.) Ask your parent to see a therapist. You can tell them you have self-esteem problems or it’s about school or whatever you feel comfortable with. A good therapist will help you look at how to cope with all this sadness.
2.) Talk to a C.A.R.L.A – a CARLA is a Caring And Responsibly Listening Adult. This can be an aunt, a counselor at school, a teacher, the mom of a BFF. Sometimes it really helps to have an understanding woman who’s been a teenager (and somehow survived) help you out.
And one more thing: If you feel like hurting yourself ever again, tell a BBF to stay with you until the feeling goes away and then tell your parent and seek professional help. Feeling depressed should not lead to self harm – ever! Good luck – you can get through this. You are worth it.