Are tween girls obsessed with being the best?

AllyKatzz tween girls say:


What are tween girls obsessed about? Mostly grades and pleasing their parents:

“I'm really not obsessed with being the best...but my parents want me to be. It's tough to be a kid! :(”… age 12, Ohio

“I"m obseesed with it almost never happens even this yr I'm cutting myself off from any thing "social" after school cuz here colleges look ALL the way back to the 8th grade...grrr... I HAVE to study and I HAVE to get STRAIGHT 'A's”… age 13, Oklahoma

Posted by Denise Restauri

Tween Girls Want R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Tween girls want respect! But where are they getting their strength to fight for the respect they deserve? In this blog, a 14-year-old girl from Illinois is finding strength in the words from the song U+Ur Hand by Pink. The words are strong. But wait! You have to check out the music video... talk about mixed messages. And we wonder why our tween girls -and boys- are so confused. The blog from AllyKatzz:

"You know what i just realized how hard it is to have a MEANINGFUL relationship with a guy all they care about is being able to tell all their friends that their going out with the prettiest girl or the most popular girl. Like the other day i went to the movies with my friends and the three of us had to go get popcorn so we needed someone to save our seats so i turned around and asked the guy right behind us to save our seats he looked down at my chest (i was wearing a very low-cut shirt) and then he says yes! Then the other day my friends and i were having a water fight in my friends yard and these guys we knew came over and started to pour water on us (we were totally ok with that it was fun with them there) but then one guy says raise your hand if your wearing a white t-shirt! none of us raised our hands. Da** why don't girls wear white shirts anymore! you do the math white shirts + water= see through!!! At this time I am listening to P!nk U+Ur hand it goes - I'm not here for your entertainment you don't really want mess with me tonight just stop and take a second I was fine before you walked into my life. I wish us girls were respected a little more by guys! Well i'm working on it! "

PUPPY LOVE???

Tween girls today are smarter, savvier and more opinionated than we were at their age. They aren’t playing with toys… they’re into music, fashion, their individuality AND BOYS. Puppy love? No way… in their minds, puppy love is for kids, not tweens. Tween love is REAL. Here's what they're saying on their AllyKatzz blogs:

I need HELP!!!
by I love Potato, age 13
“Ok I'm dating this guy named Devin AKA Potato!! He is really nice && cute, sweet..all that stuff!! But he is already saying he loves me && that he wants to marry me && he is being serious well I'm 13 && he is 14 its a little early to thank about that && I do love him but not marry me love..lol!! But I'm afraid to tell him to slow it down a bit becuz I'm afraid he will get mad!! But then agian he isn't that kind of guy that will get mad over that! So what should I do && if I don't go with ur idea don't get mad but I will appreciate it and alot of ppl go through this so I know you can help!!

Tween Girls Ages 9-15 Responded:

from tommyboy, age 9
“i dont really no about this stuff but,if i were u i would say,"i think we should slowwwwwww down a little."and if he gets all mad maybe hes just not the guy 4 u. well, thats all i got because im only 9 yrs old. i hope uget it the way u want it.... want 2 b bb? ” (bb = blog buddy aka friends.)

from Eskimoluvr, age 10
“O gosh that guy is pushing it just tell him "ya i am not reADY" AND THEN QUICKLY CHANGE THE CONVERSATION”

from countryprincess, age 11
“ok if ur only 13 take it slow. and if u love him tell him u do but say ur way to young to think about that and you would like to at least finish high school heck even JUNIOR HIGH would be better i mean ur in like 7th grade?? u like just got out of middle school!!!!!!! hope it works!!”

from penguingurl411, age 12
“when he says that again just tell him you want to slow down or say i love you to but not marriage type of love. if he truly loves you than he'll understand. if he doesnt get it then maybe its best that your just friends.”

from Glamrgrrl6, age 13, Minnesota
“wow. I'd tell him to slow down. Ur not ready for that. If he keeps saying those things tell him that he's lucky that he is in a relationship with you and that he shouldn't be saying things like that, because, eventually, he'll scare u away.”

from BLONDE_08, age 14
“there is a girl at school like that with her boyfriend! Your not really going to be togather forever.....and it the relationship will end sometime....and alls your bf is doing is making that time come quicker! Trust me......just let him do it! Your only 13 ”

from Llama_MILK_wizard, age 15
“whoa! Gee, that's a toughie. I've dated guys like that. For a while I just kinda went with it. Like when he said, "I love you" I would just say "yea." Finally he moved so I guess I just didn't have to deal with it. I'm not sure though. I guess you'll just have to wait till he moves! lol! But seriously, maybe you should just say yea like I did and if he askes you why you say that you can say, "Isn't it a bit tttooooo early to think about marriage?!?!"

Posted by Denise Restauri

I'm a FAiLuRe

Pressures girls put on themselves to be super girls.
Where do they get it from? From their teachers? From their parents? Safe bet: they aren’t born thinking, “I must get into Harvard!” They get mixed messages from the adults in their lives every day. About their weight, their looks, their accomplishments. So the next time you tell the tween girl in your life to “Just do your best!... mean it and STOP there. Hopefully this AllyKatzz blog from a 13-year-old girl from Alabama, will make us all think twice before we add, “Because you aren’t going to get into Harvard with YOUR grades.”

"I'm a Failure. I feel lyk a failure right now. Okay see at my school at the end of each year we have an award ceramony. Well today was the last day and all year I work on my grades cuz I wanted to make straight A's.I QUIT BASKETBALL FOR IT!!!!!!! Well 2day the principal was giving out the A-honor roll awards. I DIDN'T GET IT!!! I got on the A-B honor roll award. Now I feel lyk a failure. Y? Cuz I did my best!! I DID MY HARDEST!! And my hardest. My best isn't good enough!!! How in the world am I supposed to get in to SOSU and Alabama Crimson Tide. If I'm on the A-B Honor Roll?? They look back all the way to the 7th grade. THATS THE GRADE I'M IN!!! So now I know what a failure feels lyk. I'm sooo sad. Any advice??? bye. and no I'm not saying PEACE OUT! Cuz I'm not at peace right now. so goodbye."

Responses from AllyKatzz girls:

“Thats REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!!! You shouldn't flip like that!!! Its still honors! I got a F in math a few quarters ago because of the teacher. Its a long story but I promised myself it wouldn't happen again. Now I get strait "A'S"!!!! I have a 100 in math class now! So don't juge yourself so harshly from one grade. ~~~ They look back to 7th grade??? OMG! R U sirious? I wanna get into YALE!!! Shoot... ANyway. Think about it. ” By a 12-year-old girl from Connecticut.

“You are so not a failure! Some kids do terrible! Getting c's, d's and f's! This one kid at my school flunked 7th grade, you are not a failure!” By a 12-year-old girl from Nevada.

“trust me you are not a failure. Think of how much worse it could be you could be one of the people that tries their hardsest and still only comes up with a C. I'm an A-B student too and all my friends are A's so I feel really low on the totem poll when we all get our math tests back but trust me it will get better I can guarantee it. Also if you want to get into a good college I suggest doing lots of extracurricular stuff or find a sport that you really excel at.” By a 14-year-old girl from New Hampshire.

“Hey, that's not being a failure. A failure is straight F's! An A-B honnor is good, really good. At least you're not trying out for Hartford!” By an 11-year-old girl from Wisconsin.

Posted by Denise Restauri

Interferences - So Stressed

This is the top blog on AllyKatzz.com today... so many tween girls have learning differences that go undiagnosed. These learning differences result in feeling "stupid" and low self esteem. That leads to girls falling into the "dumbing down" trap and pleasing everyone, especially boys. And it goes downhill from there.

"Hey, you mite have noticed im not exactly the best speller on this syte! Well this is really hard 4 me 2 say, but i have dylexia. If you dont no wat it is, its a disorder you have and it makes it harder for you to learn and memorize things. Orlando Bloom has it to, i think hes soo cool because he memorizes all those lines. Im hoping to be a actor myself, im really outgoing. But back to the point, im so stressed becayse my dance is infearing with my schoolwork, i aalready had to miss grade 6 a few years back because i had to go to this huge competition. I alwayz have a bunch of homework cuz i miss sxhool due to dance. The teacher also has me have seppearte things because im not smart enough, i have lots of friends but i feel so left out you know? dance is taking over my life. but in a good way? i love dance and cant let go."

Stats show that 1 in 10 people are dyslexic, but it could be much higher because there are many people who struggle without being aware that they are dyslexic... especially tween girls who slip through the cracks. Here's a listing of some "famous" people who are dyslexic: Orlando Bloom * Tom Cruise * Dave Foley * Danny Glover * Whoopi Goldberg * Jay Leno * Keanu Reeves * Billy Bob Thornton * Robin Williams * Walt Disney * George Washington * John Lennon * Cher * Einstein * Muhammad Ali * Leonard Da Vinci * Thomas Edison * Richard Branson * Pablo Picasso.

I can't wait to see how the girls respond... I'm hoping that they'll "come out of the closet" about their learning differences and share their stories. You can find out by checking her blog over the weekend.

Posted By Denise Restauri

I HAVE PROBLEMS

This tween girl's blog shows that you can't judge a girl's happiness by her cover. Leda Siskind, allykatzz.com's Advice Pro, gives girls and US great advice. Leda is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child Therapist AND the mom of a teenage girl.

Dear Leda, I have problems. My life is not very good. I have friends and I'm an overly hyper person, well most of the time. At school and when I'm talking to my friends, anywhere...anytime, I'm relaxed and carefree. It's a whole different story when I'm alone. I can just be sitting there reading a book or story, and out of nowhere I think everyone has a better life than me. I think about how a lot of people are skinnier than me, how I'll probably never get a boyfriend(I may deny that I want one, but I truly do), and what I really want to be when I grow up is nearly impossible for me to be. I've tried suicide. I just can't do it though. I've yet to try and cut myself. I can't take this anymore and I just want to cry. I need to find a solution, and fast. Please don't just tell me that "Suicide is not the answer." or "You need to think of all your good qualities." I hear that suicide is not the answer from my friends all the time. I've tried thinking of my good qualities and I can't seem to find any. I have self-esteem problems, and I know this. I think I need to stop naming of my bad qualities so I won't go and try suicide again. Please help me with this problem. I need to know what to do. Thanks for listening.

Leda's Advice:

Dear My Life, I think, sweetie, that you feel very uncomfortable about who you are and what life has in store for you. You would be surprised how many girls feel just as you do now…But life is just not that black and white – all or nothing! You state you have friends – so you already know how to keep a friend (including, some day, a BF), you state that you know how to be “carefree” and you even mention reading – so you have some positive skills you are overlooking because everything is seen as “never” and “always” – in the negative. And you also know that hurting yourself is not going to help you. I think, deep down, you would like to feel better about yourself, yes? So here are two choices for you:
1.) Ask your parent to see a therapist. You can tell them you have self-esteem problems or it’s about school or whatever you feel comfortable with. A good therapist will help you look at how to cope with all this sadness.
2.) Talk to a C.A.R.L.A – a CARLA is a Caring And Responsibly Listening Adult. This can be an aunt, a counselor at school, a teacher, the mom of a BFF. Sometimes it really helps to have an understanding woman who’s been a teenager (and somehow survived) help you out.
And one more thing: If you feel like hurting yourself ever again, tell a BBF to stay with you until the feeling goes away and then tell your parent and seek professional help. Feeling depressed should not lead to self harm – ever! Good luck – you can get through this. You are worth it.

does anyone know how to speak "boy?"

This, from a 12- year-old girl from China is one of today's top blogs on allykatzz.com. Love her attitude!!


"ok, i can speak chinese and english and i'm currently taking spanish, but one thing i can't speak: boy. how do u know if ur crush likes u? if he talks 2 u all the time and tells u everything and follows u around at the dance, does that mean he likes u? if he asks ur bff if u like him, does that mean he likes u? someone plz help. i'm seriously pulling my hair out. (they should seriously write a book about this language!)"

And a girl who calls herself Advice and Dimplez has this comment:
“Oh i know how to speak boy!!! Well some signs are: he stares at u but doesnt say anything, gives u a compliment, does anything to be near you, looks at the side of u when talking to you and lots more. If he talks to u all the time n follows u and tells u everything, its a strong possibility he likes you. If he asks ur bff it DOES mean he likes you. Boys will do anything to try to find out if they like you. Need any more translations let me know lol! =]”

ARGGGH!!!

A top blog of this week from allykatzz.com is from a 13-year-old girl from New Jersey who calls herself phunki837. The end of the school year fun is being replaced by stress. Many girls blog about the same issues and many say their parents only add to it by pushing for those final A grades. Could your tween girl be phunki837?

"yeah so lately i have been like so down on myself. i mean, i don't know shrimp about science these days becasue i've been so exhausted this week that i couldn't even pay attention. science is my last class, so you get what I'm saying. And like, my friends keep asking me the SAME questions like 500000 times. that gets so annoying. And another friend is being so pessimistic, it's bringing me down. I am just SO happy and excited for Unity day on thursday though cuz like, i get to go do what i want to do w/ ppl i don't get to see much. SO glad bout that. So much training ,I'm being drained, and i have a huge project for SS. The teachers are trying to shove all this stuff into the last few weeks of school. AAARRGGGHHHH!!! @@@!!!"

Posted by Denise Restauri