My Precious Little Girl...

I'm switching things around today... instead of the tween girl's view... here's what EMO looks and feels like... from a parent, Laure. When I asked Laure for permission to share her email, she said: "If I can help someone else, it can't be anything but good." Thanks Laure.

"Jeez, I just dropped into the More magazine website to see how I can go about doing some freelance writing for them, since I am a very knowledgeable, worldly, seen it all 46 year old who thinks she has loads of wisdom to share with all her other over-40 friends...then I stumble upon your column about 'tween girls, emos and cutting and I'm reading all about my 14 year old. I just remembered that I don't have all the answers yet.

I found out that my precious little girl cuts when she gets upset--it started in the 8th grade, and it really emerged once she found a best friend, who has a habit of ditching her until the girl feels like hanging out with my daughter. The girl is very possessive so when my daughter tries to cut the cord, and do her own thing, this girl will step in again and take up all of her time, get in the middle of any other friends, and shoo away any boys my da ughter likes. My daughter then gets left on her own, alone, and this causes her to cut. I have finally observed that any time she gets rejected she cuts.

It's very frustrating because I have been in an abusive relationship before and I've tried to teach her to beware of getting into that sort of thing--never did I imagine that it wouldn't necessarily be a boy to mess with her head, but a trusted friend. Even though I have always been supportive, caring, loving and I think she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and I don't just say that because I am the mom--she doesn't always believe it herself. She is very pretty but many times does not feel like she is. It is a shame because I can't do anything else to make her feel good about herself. I feel in my heart that this is something she will eventually work out of. To be honest, I personally feel that she heard about it awhile ago and thought it would be a dramatic way to do something scary and cool to maybe win people's attention or pity. I guess she is rather emo, when I think about it.

I have talked to her quite a bit about it. Most of the summer she will be away at camp, home on weekends, and I know she is having a blast at camp--thank God. I am hoping she can put this behind her to begin high school next year. The most important thing I can tell her is to tell me when something is bothering her, no matter what, because when she doesn't talk, and keeps something in, is when she seems to get the most upset. I don't know if its because she doesn't want me to be worried about her, or whatever, but she seems to keep a stiff upper lip around me even if she is very upset about something.

The one really great thing is that we have a good relationship and that I am capable of helping her through this. But I will tell you something--I always thought my daughter was stronge r than me, able to speak her mind all the time, not painfully shy like I was when I was her age...so this situation has blown me out of the water. I think we will be able to work on this together though--because I am not going to be able to do the counseling thing right now. I believe that the more I know about and read about this issue, the better informed I will be about it, and the more I can help her. She has total faith and trust in me.

One of the really great things about being over 40 (okay, over 45, dammit) is that we have seen and heard a lot, and if we are at least halfway well adjusted, we can take on anything that comes along.

Thanks for some very insightful information. It was very helpful to me to read what the girls were thinking. I am sure if you look at my daughter's myspace (which i loathe) some of those comments could have come from my daughter a couple of months ago. "


Posted by Denise Restauri